Almost to the end!

When I came to Purdue, I expected things to be radically different.

And in a way, I guess things were. I mean, I wasn't living with my parents anymore. I inherited two roommates and an apartment. I no longer had to tell my parents where I was going, with who, or for how long. I suppose those were pretty big changes. Not to mention the fact that I left many of my friends behind, which consequently left space for new friends to come in.

People in college are certainly different than in high school. The atmosphere is much more relaxed-you don't have to go to class if you don't want to. No two people ever seem to be on the same schedule. Eat whenever you want to and however much you want to (but watch out for the freshman 15!).

In a way, college has been a very freeing experience.

One thing that I expected was to have some miraculous shift in my relationship with God. Don't ask me why I thought this was going to happen, I just assumed it would. I mean, here I was being the good Christian, following God in college. For some reason I thought that meant I was better than other people. That somehow I deserved special privileges. Obviously, I was quite wrong. I'm not going to lie, walking with God in college is a lot harder than I imagined. It's hard to get motivated to go to church on Sunday when I would rather sleep. It's hard to get up early enough to actually do a devotional before I get going for the day. Yet I still do these things because I believe that they are the only  way to ensure that I don't stagnate in my growth. This year has been eye opening because I have really had to work on trusting God and walking by faith and not sight. It's tempting to only follow God when things are going great. I have had to learn that my relationship with God is not based on what I feel but rather the fact that he is God and he has great plans for my life.

The other night I was listening to "I Believe in Love" by Barlow Girl and the chorus really spoke to me:

I believe in the sun even when its not shining

I believe in love even when I don't feel it 

And I believe in God even when he is silent

The Grey Buick

Today my mom told me that my dad had sold his car. THE CAR. The car affectionately known as "the grey goose." I almost started crying.

No, I am not crazy. You don't understand the attachment I had to his car. He drove a 1985 Buick Regal ever since, well 1985. That car has been in our garage/driveway ever since I have existed on the planet. I must say that I developed a fondness for the car despite all odds. You see, after a while, the car didn't run so well. It made this awful sound like an emergency vehicle. I hated having to ride with my dad. The air-conditioning stopped working sometime in the 90's and I remember having to ride to my grandparent's house. It was so warm in the car, and I had to share the car with my two siblings. I think I complained the whole way there.

Unlike my mom's car, we weren't allowed to do ANYTHING in my dad's car. No food, no drinks. Don't touch the ceiling (because it started to droop at some point). I don't know if we were allowed to color or not. I suppose that it doesn't matter anymore. My dad treated that car so well. He loved it so much and he always made sure that it was in the best condition. He would park at the other end of the parking lot so "moron drivers" wouldn't hurt his car. I always knew my dad was coming home from work because I could hear him coming in the neighborhood long before I could see him.

By the time I learned to drive, I wasn't allowed to drive the Buick. There weren't enough safety features and my dad was afraid I would wreck it. When I would drive my car I was never afraid about hitting my mom's car or the garage. I would always look out for my dad's Buick. During the summer we would park side by side on the driveway. I always kicked people out of the car before I pulled in so they wouldn't ding my dad's door.

Not too long ago, my dad had the Buick touched-up. The droopy roof was fixed and the paint job was touched up. It looked really nice. I should have known something was up. He put the car on the market a few years ago, without any success. Somebody came by on Sunday and bought the car. Imagine my surprise. I always figured the Buick would still be sitting there when I came home. My mom and I used to joke that my dad would be buried in his car. Secretly, I believed it (Although that would be many, many years from now).

Now when I go home, the Buick won't be sitting in the driveway. some other car will be there soon, I suppose. I just hope that whoever bought the car will treat it well. I know that my dad taught me that with hard work, things can last for a long time. Owning a car is a huge responsibility, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. For that, I am grateful.

Exams, Bikes, Etc.

It is that time of year again. It's almost the end of school which means that projects, tests, and finals oh my! are coming up. Needless to say, I have been feeling the stress/anxiety building up since the end of March. I know, everyone tells you that stress is bad for you. What they don't tell you is that stress can mess with your head and make your hair fall out (literally). Sorry, trying not to be so dramatic in this post. Stress has a benefit. It motivates you to get whatever is stressing you done. Homework piling up? Have enough stress about it and voila! Your homework will be done. I am not complaining because I know that school always ends this way. I love school and this is just a part of it that I have to deal with. Once finals are over I know that life will continue.

Speaking of life, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately! This weekend has been chilly, but we have been having sunshine and 80's! I love spring because I can wear flip-flops and dresses and skirts. Oh, and I get to ride my bike. Riding my bike is one of the GREATEST things ever. I can get around campus so fast and laugh at the people walking (Ok, I don't actually do that). Seriously though, there is nothing like the wind  whipping through your hair as you breathe in the smell of spring. And there is nothing like the bike to tell you how out of shape you got over winter.

This week is going to be busy as ever, but I know that I will survive! See everyone on the other side...of finals that is :)

LIFE!

Right now I am very full of energy. This is odd for me...I never feel this good at this time in the evening. I just got back from my yoga class, so I suppose that would explain it. I don't know why I always forget that yoga makes me feel so good inside! It just kicks my butt back into gear and gets me going. Even when yoga hurts, even when downward dog feels like the devil and I don't want to hear about series modifications of plank...I still love it. This of course, makes me wonder why I haven't been doing more of it lately...hmm...

I have decided that I really need to start taking living my life seriously. So often I fall into an apathetic slump that I can't seem to shake. Yet life has so much to offer, and we don't need to be reminded that life is short. Instead of meeting everything with a "no" I am trying to say "yes". New experiences can be scary, but unless I try I will never know what they can add to my life. Hence why I was playing tennis with my friend this afternoon even though I can't play to save my life. Also why I have a list of "things to do" with my life this summer. It's all about living life to the fullest.

And something new!  Current reading list in no particular order: Watchmen-Alan Moore, Revolutionary Road-Richard Yates, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough- Lori Gotlieb, Blue Like Jazz-Donald Miller, and Calculus for Dummies-Mark Ryan.

Goals

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you were working hard every day towards a goal? Something that was real and important? It's been one of those weeks. All week I have been working hard to do well on my Calculus exam tonight. Every day was filled with one goal: study for Calculus. It kind of gave my days meaning, you know? You might think that taking the exam would have relieved my anxiety..but it's really just begun. Until I get back my score reports, I am going to be just as anxious.

This living with a goal in mind brings me to my next point. What if every day I lived with a goal in mind? What if every day I woke up and said that I was going to work towards becoming more Christlike? To be more loving to those around me? I believe that if I made that a conscious goal, that it could radically revolutionize my life. And the best part? Living for Christ isn't going to bring the same anxiety that silly Calculus exams do.

"Slowly and surely, we learn the great secret of life, which is to know God." Oswald Chambers

Maundy Thursday

Last night I went to a Maundy Thursday/Good Friday service with my good friend Heather. At first, I really didn't want to go because it didn't start until 11 PM. But I also didn't like the idea of her walking across campus all by herself, so I agreed.

We started by meeting in the prayer chapel at Wesley. Then we went went upstairs to take communion. As I was kneeling at the cross, I was overwhelmed by gratitude. I am so grateful that God sent Jesus so that I could live. He saved me from myself so many times. It was a very humbling experience. The next thing we did was to read the last accounts of Jesus' life. We read in a circle and as each part was read, a candle was extinguished. By the end we were sitting in darkness. I sat there for a long time and realized that I had never taken time to truly consider the crucifixion. And that thought overwhelemed me.

I sat there in silence and this peace came upon my heart. I honestly cnan't remember the last time that I've been at peace with God. For that I am truly thankful for all that He gave.

Enjoy the Easter season.