Mirrors

I have had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately, so I apologize if this blog sounds like a bunch of rambles. It probably will.

Have you ever heard people that when they looked in the mirror they didn't recognize the face in the mirror? I used to think that these people were crazy. How could you not recognize yourself? Except one day it happened to me and I swear to you, it was one of the scariest days of my life. I remember standing in my bathroom during April of my senior year and realizing that I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know why I was allowing myself to live unhappily when I knew that there were things that could be done. I am not going to go into great detail about this, but shortly afterward I broke up with my boyfriend. It was a hard decision for me, but it was a step in the right direction.

Over spring break, a similar thing happened. Except this time I realized that there was so much I could be doing my life. And I was scared because I have no clue what I am doing with my life. Yes, I am in college. And I am taking classes and studying to become a psychology major. But these are just minute details. I thought by now I would know what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. At this point all I can do is trust that God has a bigger plan for me and as long as I trust Him he will lead me down the right path.

Speaking of God, most days I feel like the song "Oh God Where Are You Now" by David Crowder

O God, where are you now?
O Lord, say somehow

To be honest, sometimes I just wonder where God is. Where is that big booming voice coming out of the clouds? I am not saying that God isn't there because I know He is. I know He is because I can feel the peace and reassurance that comes from knowing Him. Sometimes though, I wish that booming voice would just fall out of the sky.

And to conclude..."On Fire" by Switchfoot

And I'm on fire when You're near me 

And I'm on fire when You speak

Yeah I'm on fire burning at these mysteries 

The Birthday Post...late

So every year on my birthday I sit down and think about my life over the past year. I try to use the phrase "hindsight is twenty-twenty" to accurately portray my life. Then I write about the year in my journal and move on. This year though was different. I don't feel like my 18th year of life was that hmm....exciting? productive? Which to be honest, is rather ridiculous. I mean, I graduated from high school! Isn't that supposed to be the biggest deal of your life? Maybe I just hyped it up too much. Maybe I wanted it to come so much that when it did come it  was kind of a let down. I don't know. Anyways, here is the refresh over the past year, courtesy of my journal. Ahemm....

While 18 I

• Experience a cruise of a lifetime and then...
• Heartbreak my friend, is no fun
• Gave my senior presentatoin
• Went to senior Prom with the best of firends
• GRADUATED!!!
• Rode scary rides at Cedar Point
• Went to my first midnight premiere of Harry Potter
• Started college at Purdue
• went to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert-which was phenomenal!
• Missed people more than I thought I would
• Watched my brother become a teenager and my sister turn 16
• Saw more snow than I thought possible
• Managed to get a job on campus
• Stayed single for the majority of my 18th year of life
• Stayed true to being a Christian and continued to grow

So there you have it. My 18th year of life in a nutshell. Here's to many more! :)

Spring Break...kind of

Isn't spring break wonderful? A whole week to do absolutely nothing. Ha. I wish that was the case. No, no. I don't think I have ever had a spring break where I didn't have some homework assignment (Well in the past four years that is). This is exactly what was plaguing my head at 6:30 this morning. Thoughts like "Gee, yesterday all I did was have fun, did you even look at your paper? No you didn't. You fail" Uh yeah. So then I was freaking out about this stupid paper when I realized that my thought process was all wrong. Yes, I do have a paper due on Monday. But that doesn't mean I should beat myself up for taking a day off. I finished the paper today, now I am just polishing it up a bit. That's really not what I wanted to write about, honestly...

Yesterday was so gorgeous so my sister and I decided to go play some tennis. Well, more of I prodded her and she finally said yes. I have never played tennis before and it was quite the experience! Let's just say that I was probably breaking all the rules, but I hit the ball! And we had a good time, that's all that matters. Last night I went to a Zumba dance class with my mom at the local Y. Wow! I haven't had an intense dance class in hmm...a long time! It was lot of fun though and I can't wait until this summer when I can go every week.

Today, two of my good friends from high school and I met up. They took me out for lunch for my birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I kind of ruined it :) It was so nice to be able to be with friends and enjoy life together. Plus, Casa is so tasty :) Afterward, I had to go to the eye doctor, which I was dreading terribly. Surprisingly, my vision hasn't changed over two years and nothing needs to change. Yippee!

Other than that, not much has been going on this week. Katie and I got to spend some time together before she had to go back to Lake Forest. I can't wait for it to be next year when we will be roommates! Scratch that. I can't wait for this summer when we can be DQ buddies together. Then we can talk about next year.

Enjoy your week!

On My First Day of Break

I did six loads of laundry :) Haha. It's the life of a college student--come home to do the laundry. Don't worry, I folded all the laundry and it's just about finished. It probably wouldn't have been that much had I not waited two weeks and brought all of my bedding home. So nice to not have to spend my quarters.

Last night I went to the scrapbooking night with some of the ladies at C3. I haven't scrapped since Christmas Break so it was nice to get some work done. I seriously scrapped until I thought my eyes were going to fall out. I guess that I will continue to work on my pages as the week progresses. I am trying to get most of the pictures from last year wrapped up.

Today has been a rather lazy day. It has been cold and rainy all day. I went to the library today and had to restrain myself from checking out everything I saw. I just really miss my library here, even though I have 13 to choose from at Purdue! I don't think I will be doing much "fun" reading this week. I have a Child Psychology exam next Tuesday that I will be studying for and a paper due Monday. I think professors just use spring break as an excuse to assign more homework.

I can't wait to sleep, do some yoga, study, and spend time with friends and family (including Butterscotch) this week :)

Spring?

Wow! I had such a great weekend that it is hard to believe that it even happened. Actually, it has been rather difficult to get motivated to do my school work this week. I am so ready for spring break that I just want the good times to keep on rolling! Haha. Anyways, Friday night two of my friends from Indy came down to hang out. We spent the night hanging out with soem other friends from Northrop. Highlights from the evening included playing Imaginiff and baking cookies at 12:30. Spending time with friends is truly amazing.

Saturday morning my friends had to go home, so I was sad :( But, that afternoon the local pottery studio came to Hilltop and we had the opportunity to paint ceramic bowls. I took two hours to paint my bowl, so I hope that it turns out the way I wanted it too. I promise that I will upload pictures as soon as I get it back. Saturday night was spent with more friends eating and talking for hours.

Sunday morning was a beautiful morning! It was sunny and warm and lovely. I was nearly late to church, although it wasn't because I was enjoying the warm weather. Blame it on lack of foresight and planning. It started raining during the afternoon, but it was just a light spring rain. Yoga class was next on the list...man, oh man! We did a lot of arm work and I am feeling it today. It was  great though to do some yoga since last week left very little time to practice. Sunday night I went to Heather and Lisa's room to hang out and watch the Oscar's. Guess what? I had my first sleepover on a school night! I felt so rebellious! We had a ton of fun watching the awards, eating food, and just enjoying life.

Today the sun is shining and it is nice and warm outside. I took a nap outside after class...well, I was supposed to be doing Calculus homework, but I have to have priorities :)

Enjoy your week!

Gumball

Last night my family came down to visit. Well, to be more accurate, my brother and dad came to see the Purdue basketball game. That left my mom,my sister, and I to hang out until the game was over. We went to dinner--O'Charley's and gorged ourselves on chocolate cake. Actually, we looked at the chocolate cake more than we actually ate of it. Then my sister wanted to go to the mall and I begrudgingly trotted along. Even on a good day, going to the mall is not something that I would put very high on the "exciting things to do" list. But my sister had a good point--she hadn't come all the way to Purdue just to sit on a couch in my apartment. Anyways. We did our shopping and as we were heading out we walked past the gumball machine.

There is something you need to know about me and gum. I am a gum freak. I am all-out addicted to it and I will never deny such a claim. Gumball machines are one of the COOLEST things at the mall. There are so many different varieties. And yes, I have done the math and I know that a gumball is a waste of a quarter. But on this particular night, I had a loose quarter in my pocket. So I seized the opportunity to get some gum (chiclets, actually).My sister and mom followed behind. 

However, this is more than just a blog post about gumballs. It's a way of thinking about life. You see, the smallest things in life sometimes bring the greatest joy. I don't know what it is for you. For me, some days it's just getting a gumball. Instead of focusing on the negative things in my life, I am going to make an effort to focus on the small things--the things that do go right in my life. Maybe it's a crazy way to live. Maybe it's just crazy enough to work.