Mirrors

I have had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately, so I apologize if this blog sounds like a bunch of rambles. It probably will.

Have you ever heard people that when they looked in the mirror they didn't recognize the face in the mirror? I used to think that these people were crazy. How could you not recognize yourself? Except one day it happened to me and I swear to you, it was one of the scariest days of my life. I remember standing in my bathroom during April of my senior year and realizing that I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know why I was allowing myself to live unhappily when I knew that there were things that could be done. I am not going to go into great detail about this, but shortly afterward I broke up with my boyfriend. It was a hard decision for me, but it was a step in the right direction.

Over spring break, a similar thing happened. Except this time I realized that there was so much I could be doing my life. And I was scared because I have no clue what I am doing with my life. Yes, I am in college. And I am taking classes and studying to become a psychology major. But these are just minute details. I thought by now I would know what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. At this point all I can do is trust that God has a bigger plan for me and as long as I trust Him he will lead me down the right path.

Speaking of God, most days I feel like the song "Oh God Where Are You Now" by David Crowder

O God, where are you now?
O Lord, say somehow

To be honest, sometimes I just wonder where God is. Where is that big booming voice coming out of the clouds? I am not saying that God isn't there because I know He is. I know He is because I can feel the peace and reassurance that comes from knowing Him. Sometimes though, I wish that booming voice would just fall out of the sky.

And to conclude..."On Fire" by Switchfoot

And I'm on fire when You're near me 

And I'm on fire when You speak

Yeah I'm on fire burning at these mysteries