Why I keep writing poetry

Poetry is robbing me of sleep. I start to fall asleep and then all of the sudden words and lines start running through my mind. I know that I won't be able to remember them in the morning, so I have to get up and grab my journal to write them down. Needless to say, my  bedtime keeps getting pushed back farther and farther. But I am contributing something to society with my ideas, right? Sure. That's what I will tell myself if I become an insomniac :)

All That is You

Your smile makes me forget,

The way your eyes dance

Makes me melt

Your wit makes me think

And wonder how one person could have

So much going for them

The way you play it cool

Hurts me on the inside

Do you have feelings at all?
Are you aware of what you do?
One sight of you and I lose it

A word from you makes me soar

But oh how the days stretch
When you are not around

It's like a never ending sea

Of monotony

Until you burst back on the scene

Filling my world with sight and sound again

Skype Madness!

I love nights like this. I had told my friend Chelsea (that lives in Atlanta) that we needed to skype. I haven't seen that girl since she left in August! I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out the wireless internet, and by some miracle of God, I got it to work.

We spent the next 45 minutes talking about anything and everything. It was like we were back home again sitting at our local starbucks. (although I was drinking the Starbucks and she was eating hot cheetos) I can't believe how much things have changed in the last 3 months. College is so amazing, but it makes things change so quickly!

Now I am sitting here wondering what else the night will have in store. I am super excited about the Office being on at 9, it's usually the best part of  Thursday night. Isn't technology the greatest?

Rain

The rain is falling steadily on my windowpane

As I stare out into the dark night wondering where you are

I wish the rain would wash away,

Every memory I have of you

Far, far away into the sea

To the ocean depths I can never reach.

For if you were far away,

I would never want, hope, reach for you again.

And instead of watching the rain,

I could become the rain

Starting anew, all over again

Be prepared to be shocked

Today, I betrayed my personal beliefs and convictions.
I fell in love....with Wal-Mart.
That's right, you read that right. I am ashamed to be typing it right now.

I hate Wal-Mart, really I do. I hate all that it stands for. I hate that Fort Wayne has five Wal-Marts, for what reason may I ask you? But today, I did something absolutely horrific. I was glad (!!!) to be able to step foot into a Wal-Mart. What has drove me to this, you may ask? College. College has broken down my barrier. You see, I needed to go buy my friend a gift. And Wal-Mart is only ten minutes off  campus and my roommate has a car now. So we drove to Wal-Mart.

A strange feeling took over my body when I walked into the fluorescent lit store. I felt happy and free. There was nothing at Wal-Mart to remind me of exams, papers, or lectures. Just pure commercialism. I suddenly felt an urge to buy every food item I saw on the shelf. Don't worry, I restrained myself. It was like I have been deprived of grocery store normality that Wal-Mart just happened to fix my need. I didn't even know that I was suffering until we pulled into the parking lot. Now I really know.

Anyways, I only bought the stuff on my list, so I was pretty proud of myself. Please understand that I am being highly dramatic in this post. However, it is still a bit of a frightening revelation for myself. Have a nice evening, and a wonderful Wednesday tomorrow!

Mondays aren't so awful

People always say that they hate Mondays. But I really don't struggle with Mondays as much as I do Tuesday or Wednesday. Today promised to be full of adventure when I nearly faceplanted into the concrete after tripping on the four steps outside my apartment. Oh well. 

It was in the upper sixties, maybe even 70 today! I love it when it is warm when you don't expect it. The sun is shining and it's so easy to thank God for a good day! I got to ride my bike and wear flip flops so I was one happy chick. Spanish class got done early so I got out of class earlier than I usually would. I had a letter waiting for me after I had already gotten a package from my Mom. Adding to all that, there were peanut m&m's in the dining court. Now, please understand. I know that I could just buy a bag of them or even eat the ones in my fridge. But instead, I sneak some out and sit them on my desk. They sit right in front of my eyes and when it is a rough day I can eat a few. I don't know why this brings me such intense satisfaction, but it really does.

Today I also had to wear my glasses. This was scary to me because even though I have glasses prescribed for me, I rarely ever need to wear them. I ended up in the back of my Spanish class, and wow! those words on the screen are super blurry. Thank goodness I had my glasses. Maybe I just don't notice the need for them because I always sit close to the front of the classroom. Either way, I am not too worried about this development. I am sure my eyes are just fine, and I am sure that my eye doctor would be happy for me wearing them :)

Tonight is a calm evening. I don't have any exams this week and I wrote my paper over the weekend. I will probably type up my reference page and then I am watching Jon and Kate with my roommate. Happy Monday to you all! And if it was not a good Monday, tomorrow is a new day!

Fallen

I realize that I have fallen

Over my head,

Way too deep.

Lost in those eyes of yours.

I have lost myself,

In all that is you.

Your witty humor,

Your charming smile, 

And your constant news.

More than once I have tried,

To break free of you. 

To give myself a chance

To breathe, to stand.

But one glance back,

And I stumble.

Like a stupid little girl,

I have fallen for you.

Why I love fall

Some leaves outside my window inspired me, here is a ten minute jaunt down memory lane.

I love autumn so much. I love the warm days with crisp nights. Its wonderful to walk around and hear the familiar crunch of leaves. The trees are in full splendor, but it only takes a gust to knock them to the ground. Warm cider warms my soul and tickles my nose. A crunchy, chewy caramel apple make my day.

Looking at the leaves reminds me of grade school days when I would collect leaves. I would bring them to my mom and she would smile at each revelation. And when dad would rake the leaves, it was the best! I would jump on the tarp as he moved the leaves across the yard. He would break out in a run and I would squeal in delight. My sister, brother, and I would jump into his perfect piles throwing leaves everywhere. When my brother was younger, my sister and I would bury him in the leaves.

And when Halloween came around we would carefully gather those leaves and put them in these giant plastic bag pumpkins. Halloween of course, was a celebration in of itself. Carving pumpkins was always a family activity. I was so happy when we carved pumpkins while I was home over fall break. It's hard to forget the costumes and trick or treating in the neighborhood.

But the best part of fall is apples. We would start off with going to Johnny Appleseed Festival. What a treat that was! Sometimes we would even go to the apple orchard. My mom was patient as we ran around picking as many apples as we could. My mom made everything imaginable from those apple! I still remember making the applesauce.

Now that I'm in college, I don't have to worry about raking the leaves. My apple selection is reduced to what the dining court provides. But if I could, I would rake up the leaves just to jump in them. I would love to travel back in time and re-live some of these childhood memories. Those memories are why I love this season so much.

Adventures on Purdue's campus

It's strange, the things that happen when you try to plan "going out" for an evening. For example, the plans can go arye, you could not go out with person you expected, or you might even wear inappropriate footwear. Quite the problematic scheme, you see? Well, two of those three things happened on my Friday night. Heather and I had been planning for weeks to go to the semi-formal dance that Hillenbrand (a residence hall on campus) was planning. Being the girly girls that we are, we primped for ahem, too long to go to this dance. We were dressed in our best and had heels to match as we marched out in the 40 degree weather. Nothing was going to stop us enjoying our Friday night. Well, we got to the dance and there were literally two people there.  Now, it's one thing if you have a bathtub of confidence to go and bust a move, but it's quite another if you are a freshman girl just trying to have fun on Friday night. Needless to say, we didn't stay.

Of course, we couldn't just give up on the evening. We had, after all spent an undisclosed amount of time getting ready and we were wearing our semi-formal dresses! I had the brilliant idea of heading to the Union to see what was going on. The only problem was that neither Heather nor I were wearing appropriate footwear for a 15 minute walk across campus. Thank God for public transportation! Around that time, the bus came around and by golly I was going to get on that bus. I might have disregarded a few pedestrian safety rules but the important thing is that we got on the bus.  Now before anyone starts freaking out, the bus is very safe. It was early in the evening so there were not any questionable characters on the bus yet.

Flash forward to us riding the bus around campus. We saw fraternity houses and sorority houses that we didn't know existed. The kind bus driver deposited us outside of the Union and we were in business. It just happened that a poetry slam was going on at the Union so that's where Heather and I went. (After ordering a little something from Starbucks)  The poetry slam was very good, and we heard from a lot of talented poets on campus. All in all, it was an enjoyable evening. Plus! There was a small window for dancing, so we didn't get all dressed up for nothing! 

Today was the Purdue vs. Ohio State game. I must admit, that I had very slim hope of Purdue pulling off any decent game. But at half time we were up and so I stayed. I am very happy that I decided to stay at the game! Not only did we stay up, we won the game! About two minutes left in the fourth quarter and we start to hear "rush the field, rush the field!" I happened to be setting in the seventh row and I knew that whether or not I wanted to rush the field, I was going to be rushing the field. I said a small prayer and when the buzzer went off, I started to be pushed forward. I got to the barrier and looked down! Whoa! That barrier is taller than I thought. In my usual graceful way I managed to jump down, although I landed my knees in the mud. Nevertheless, I was shoved into the middle of the field, probably no more than 10 feet away from the players. It was the most exhilarating and at the same time, terrifying five minutes of my life! What a wonderful day! What a sweet victory! I love college football!!!

And so it is that I have had a wonderful start to my weekend. Next week is going to be extremely crazy, but I am not too worried about that. All I have to do is think back on the football game and I know everything will work out!

Fall Break

It's hard to believe that Fall Break came and went already. Okay, to be honest, I am still at home. But in a few hours I will be in a car heading back to school. Part of me is ready to get back and into the routine of life, but part of me likes being at home with my family. There is just something about family that isn't transferred over to college. It's not the same when you aren't a part of the daily routine anymore...weird, actually. So looking back, here's what my fall break looked like.

Friday:
My mom came down on Friday afternoon to come rescue me, Heather, Emily, and Max. I had class until 4:30 so she went to Wal-Mart first and then came and got me. We headed back to the Fort, and had a blast! We ate skittles in the car and listened to music that made my mom cringe..he he he! In Wabash we stopped at Wendy's and talked about dipping french fries in frostys :) The car ride took much longer than expected (3.5 hours) but that was okay because I was finally home! My sister was so excited to see me and so of course, we had to watch a movie together. Granted, I did say at one point that I wanted to watch Hannah Montana the Movie. So, watch it we did. It was painful, it was hilarious, I almost cried. A good movie, I guess. Of course, the best part was when Taylor Swift herself showed up. Or when Miley Cyrus sang "The Climb" It's hard to decide between the two. Off to bed and then came...

Saturday:
I was up bright and early for my hair appointment at 10 AM. I must say, there is nothing to start off your day with killer hair! Okay, maybe I am being a little vain. But I did need a haircut quite desperately. After my haircut I headed out to the Hub to watch my mom coach her last soccer game. This was not in my plans so needless to say I was not dressed appropriately. I stayed until halftime and then headed  back home. Saturday afternoon was spent going from shop to shop trying to knock out my shopping list. We managed to get everything in a shorter amount of time then I had expected. The good news is that I will be really warm this winter. The bad news is that I forgot my duffel bag so currently I have a pile of stuff in my suitcase that won't quite fit...Saturday night Rachel and Corey came over for coffee and cookies. I must say that we had some difficulty with our cookies. Some of the cookies were deformed, some of them were burnt, but most of them were really tasty. It was great to spend an evening with friends that I haven't seen in a while. And I am sure that all the cookie will be gone soon enough.

Sunday:
I headed to church for 2nd service-something I haven't done in at least eight years. I love being back home and being able to go to my home church. It's so great to be able to see everyone and talk. Although I do love this, sometimes I wish I could just go to church and be a normal person. After church we headed to Applebee's with Sam and Ashley for a tasty lunch. (Katie was there in spirit) Alli and I went to the zoo after lunch so I could talk with my co-workers. Even though it was really chilly we had a great time chatting and drinking hot chocolate. I must say, I really do miss my job! Sunday night I baby-sat for our small group. Again, I really do miss baby-sitting! Kids are so cute and fun to be around. And it's probably one of the easier jobs that I have held in my life. After all those activities I was worn out!
Monday:

I spent the first part of Monday downtown at Parkview trying to get my H1N1 vaccine. After waiting in line for 1.5 hours and not getting too far I decided to call it a loss. I tried to get home, but came out of the parking garage a different way and proceeded to become hopelessly loss. I got on roads that would have led me home but I always turned the wrong way. Nevertheless, I did get home and I did so without a phone call or a map. Phew! My grandparents came up for the afternoon and it was nice to be able to spend time with them. My mom made my favorite dinner (lasagna) which was much appreciated. After dinner I grabbed coffee with my friend Kristin. Coffee was very nice since it was such a chilly night. Next on the list was carving pumpkins. It doesn't seem to matter how old I get, carving pumpkins is something I always love. 

And that brings us to today. I got up early this morning and took Jon and Alli to Dunkin' Donuts before school. I love donuts!!! Okay, maybe not. But I do love to go to Dunkin' Donuts and hang out with people I love. I took them to school, and that pretty much brings me to now. My mom will be coming home soon and hopefully we can finish off my suitcase. What a great break!

Traces of Me

I found a trace today,
A trace of what we used to be.
I felt a stab of pain straight through the heart,
As I read through the words we used to share,
The life we used to lead.
Was it really so long ago?
As I sat there, watching the words go past my face,
I felt mesmerized.
It was terrifying.
I so desperately wanted to stop the words, but couldn't bring myself to hit the delete key.
But then I realized something.
That's not who I am anymore.
It's not the life I lead, it's not going to help me get to where I need to be.
And all those lies I believed,
That I couldn't love, that my heart was too cold, too hard.
I knew that they were never true.
So I'm taking power back in my hands,
Starting with the delete key.

Fall is Here

I am sitting outside as I type this post. There are two reasons for this. First of all, it is a gorgeous day outside and I want to enjoy it as much as possible. Secondly, they turned on  the heat this weekend and even though our radiators are off, it is ridiculously warm in our room. Now, I will be the first to admit that I was very happy when the heat came on. Last week was a chilly week and our room was pretty cool. But now it is so hot that it is not enjoyable. Its just a lesson of be careful for what you wish for. I am sure that I will be glad for the heat when it starts to cool down again this week.

I had a fairly relaxed week-no exams to worry about, and just a small project due. I have been working on a speech outline this weekend along with a paper outline that is due at the end of next week. Not much of anything happened this week. It was homecoming week, but there wasn't a ton of stuff going on campus. Friday night I watched the Homecoming parade which was a lot of fun. Saturday I went to the Purdue v. Northwestern game, only to be dissapointed once again. :( Other than that, it was basically just the same old, same old. Last night, some friends and I met up at the Union to go bowling. There weren't any lanes open, so we decided to go to Pappy's Diner and eat some food instead. We will try and go bowling another time.

I am very excited because fall break is next weekend. I am so ready to go home and see all of the people that I have been missing. It won't be all rest and relaxation, though. I have some exams coming up that week, and of course my mom and I will be doing some shopping.

I took a bunch of pictures today from around campus. I figured it might be helpful if you actually knew what I was talking about when I mentioned buildings on my blog. So here is the link to the photo album-enjoy!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2037588&id=1089343868&l=e09c9f2734