Coffee

My absolute favorite thing about Tuesdays and Thursdays (besides Glee on Tuesday nights) is not having to go to class until 12. And that is not the only thing that is wonderful about these two days. I love being able to get up early and get things done. I love that I can make coffee on these days and actually sit down and enjoy it. I don't have to worry about not finishing it before class. I can simply sit at my desk and do homework and related things and enjoy.

Conviction

Whoa. The Holy Spirit has been at work in my spirit this weekend. On Friday night, I went to Navs and the topic was Loving God and Loving Others. At first, I was like, oh, well what new can be said? This subject is taught again and again in the church (and for good reason). But then the speaker said something that convicted me. He was talking about how important it was to listen to others and ask them genuine questions. I consider myself a good listener but often I don't follow up with any questions. And oftentimes I find myself checking out when someone starts telling me a long story. So that is definitely something I will be working on.

Conviction number 2 came during Campus House today. The pastor was talking about fear and how it can control our lives. If we constantly let fear rule our thoughts then it paralyzes us from doing anything. I know personally that fear is something that affects me. I get scared when I think about the future. I worry about what people will think of me if I say something that they think is out of line. It's definitely not something that I want to be true about my life. I want the peace of Christ to rule my life and write my story. That's the next area of my life that I will be working on.

Thanksgiving break starts tomorrow afternoon, I can't wait to go home! I miss my family and my friends back home. It will be nice to get away for a while.

Long time, no see

Whoops. It has again being a long time since I have blogged. No excuses this time...

This past weekend I finally broke down and went home. I say broke down because I have been wanting to go home for the past month but just kept finding excuses to not go home. It was wonderful to be home! I spent lots of time with my family doing normal things. And I loved being back in my bed! Hallelujah for a dark room, cold environment and fluffy blankets. On Sunday we took a family drive and we brought along the cat. It just made me laugh. This is what makes my family who they are. Little snapshots of life as I know it.

Walking

Today I realized that I spend a large proportion of my day walking. I calculate that I spend at least an hour if not more each day just walking places. That's pretty impressive. And then that got me thinking about walking. Of course, this involves my feet and my legs cooperating with me. What if one day my legs just decided to not work. That they wanted a day off? That would be pretty devastating for me. I mean, my legs almost never get a break. Even when I am sitting I still am fidgeting my feet. So all of this to say, take some time to appreciate what you have!

November is here

Today is the first day of November. This of course means that the retailers are going to try even harder to convince us that we need to prepare for Christmas. And this really makes me mad. At Starbucks they have already replaced the fall flavors menu with holiday drinks. Excuse me. When did pumpkin spice fail to be a Thanksgiving staple?!? (granted, I don't even like pumpkin but it is quintessential Americana)

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas in MODERATION. And by that I mean that Christmas music shouldn't start until after Thanksgiving. And Christmas decorations shouldn't start appearing as soon as Halloween gets cleared out of the store. What ever happened to Thanksgiving? I love that holiday but the retailers have relegated it to a blip. 

For my family, Thanksgiving is as big as if not BIGGER than Christmas. It's the time of the year when I get to see all my aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc etc. I eat way more than I think is possible and all of my female cousins get excited about Black Friday. Christmas has its time, let's give Thanksgiving a chance.

October in a nutshell

Alright. I realize that it has been almost an entire month since I have blogged and for that I apologize profusely. This month (semester for that matter) has been super busy! I have been studying like crazy for almost all of my classes trying to pull good grades because this is the "important" year. Mmhm...so here is a list of a few things that have been going on.

First of all, midterms are finally finished! And I didn't do too bad on them either. Now it's time for an exam every week until Thanksgiving which means that...finals are coming up. Actually classes have been going really well this semester. My psychology class is super interesting even though it is very biology based and it's probably not a field that I will be going into. My Spanish grammar class is giving me fits all the time, but that has more to do with the instructor than the subject matter. I still love Spanish which brings me to...

Meeting with my advisers last week. My meeting with my psychology adviser was actually really great! I am looking forward to next semester, only one required psych class and the rest are up to me. Yay! My Spanish advising appointment was iffy. The study abroad programs at Purdue are awesome but EXPENSIVE mostly because the Spanish department doesn't have any direct exchange programs. Right now it looks like I will try to do a May-mester abroad next school year.

Along with all this Spanish stuff, there is a strong possibility that I will be going on a mission trip to Guatemala this summer. My church (Christian Campus House at Purdue) here on campus is teaming up with Literary Evangelism International to teach English as a second language and Spanish Literacy!!! I have always wanted to be involved in a program like this and I feel like it's something God is calling me to do. It's just an 11 day program in May but I think it will be a great experience. Plus it will be great getting to know more people from my church here.

Lastly, it's Halloween weekend! Friday night I went to a party with some friends of mine from the Wesley Foundation. I dressed up as a poker chip...hee hee! It was a lot of good safe fun. Last night we had some trick or treaters come from the area. Okay, there were only 8 kids but they  were so cute! And it was fun to be able to pass out candy to them.

Today my parents came down to visit since I haven't seen them in forever! We went out to lunch and did some shopping at Super Target :) Since dinner isn't served on Sunday nights we made a stop at Bruno's. Oh my goodness. Bruno's dough is positively fantastic! It was nice to hang out with them and hear what is going on in the hometown. I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving and see my brother, sister, and not as fat cat.

Time to study some Spanish....but more frequent blog posts from here on out!

Stars, Leaves, etc.

I've been told that people are tired of logging on to my blog and constantly seeing the post "bad days." My apologies. I realize that I haven't blogged in a while and that seeing a depressing blog post may bring down your day. I am attempting to remedy the situation.

Sunday night I was laying outside looking at the stars. Now, stars are pretty cool in of themselves. And I do enjoy stargazing when I get a chance (which can be difficult with all of the light pollution and such). But even cooler than stars is meteors! How can one not appreciate them? They are so unexpected and so beautiful. If you blink, you will miss it. So that was pretty neat.

Second, it is really starting to become fall weather around here. The leaves are finally falling and they are such beautiful colors! I love walking across leaves and hearing them crunch. And the cooler weather is definitely a nice change from this summer's heat.

Exams start back up next week...woo hoo!

Bad days

Everyone has bad days, yes? I learned to accept that many, many years ago. Yet I have been on such a string of good days lately that I thought I was immune to a bad day. Au contrair.

Today was a bad day. It rained. It was miserable outside. I had an exam. The exam was not nice. This is the third exam in the past week. I am sick. Yeah. The list could go on, but why continue the agony?

The simple truth is I had grown to think that I was above having a bad day. And today proved that yes, I am human and yes, I will have bad days.

Spontaneous

It's not a word that I would use to describe myself. I wouldn't even use it in the same sentence as my name. But today, I think I can say I was spontaneous. At lunch, a decision was made to visit the Columbia Park today. This afternoon. The day before the week of exams.

So after eating, Heather, Jason, Corey and I heading to downtown Lafayette. We found Columbia Park and wandered a ways back and found the zoo. Now, the zoo was free so we weren't expecting a whole lot. But it was still a lot of fun! They had prairie dogs, wallabies, goats, and monkeys! So much fun :)

Afterward we played around in the park like a bunch of kids. Because really, we are. And I think I like this spontaneous stuff.

Lists

Everyone makes a list at some point in their lives. Grocery lists, birthday wish lists, Christmas lists, etc. etc. I live for lists. Lists give me a sense of control over my life (as little as it may be).

I have a Mortar board and it I list what classes I have for the day. Next to that, I put what homework assignments need to be done. There is a spot at the end of the day for a to-do list. And at the end of the week there is a section called "notes." That in turn becomes a to-do list. There is a purple notebook that sits on my desk and all it has in it are lists. I have packing lists, to-do lists, homework lists, and a list of people's favorite candy bars (no joke).

I have often wondered what would happen if I stopped making lists. I know the answer, though. The list would just become internal and it would play like a song worse than "It's A Small World." Life really isn't predictable though. You can't plan for an emergency phone call or a last minute lunch date. There are no spaces on to-do lists for these things. I am trying to live my life less of my lists and instead enjoy the margins in my day. It's a work in progress though...I can still see that to-do list telling me that I need to get my studying done and stop blogging...

Football

I'm taking a quick homework break because if I study any more about the brain then  I think there will be brain matter on my desk. I am being serious, of course.

This weekend is the first home football game. Which can only mean one thing, it's going to be fall very soon. Fall used to be my favorite season. Now I think that distinction belongs to summer. I am not ready for it to get cooler and for me to have to change my wardrobe. Because once fall comes another season will be quickly on its heels...one that I cannot mention.

No profound thoughts for the day, that will have to wait for another day.

Weekend

This past weekend was wonderful. It was such a deviation from the reality of my life that it almost feels like it wasn't real. But it was real and now I am trying to reconcile reality with my weekend. Over the weekend, my boyfriend came to my house to spend Labor Day with my family. So many good and fun things happened that it would be difficult to list them all here. To name just a few: a cookout, a trip to the zoo, tennis matches on the wii and playing Trivial Pursuit with my bestie Kaitlyn were all involved. And the crazy thing is that this trip was completely last minute and I thought I didn't want to go home. Obviously I was wrong.

So as I sit here at school, I am finding the motivation to get back into the grind of things. To work on my schoolwork and stay focused in my classes. It's difficult especially when the sun is shining and it's nice and warm outside.But I know this is the point of school, to get an education and then to enjoy things with the time left over. Priorities.

Rain!

Today it rained. Not the kind of light rain that makes you wonder if it is going to stop. No, it poured. And it made me so happy! I got to wear my rain boots this morning and they were so much fun! Although, I did realize that my rain boots when wet do not mix well with the metal staircase outside my apartment. However, I didn't fall so I will just keep this tucked away in my memory.

Today was a good food day as well! There were lemon cheesecake muffins for breakfast and tasty pizza for dinner. Really, what more could I ask for?

First week down

I survived my first week of classes.
Can you say accomplishment?
I can't. Not yet. Not until this weekend is over.
Because well, one week isn't really significant.
And it takes three weeks to form a habit, so maybe we will have to wait even longer.

I have to say for the first time in a while, I feel like I am actually doing something, with my life.
Even if that just consists of going to class and speaking Spanish and talking about Psychology.
Those are accomplishments, right? Yeah.

And I am trying to work on not comparing myself to everyone around me.
Because honestly some people are just more accomplished than me.
That inspires me. It shouldn't depress me.

Sun through the clouds

Sometimes God shows up in the most unexpected circumstances. And when he does, I don't know why I am constantly surprised. God is everywhere and yet I think I forget that sometimes. This morning I decided to go for a quick jog around the area and when I got started the sun was peeking out from the clouds. I was listening to "You Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman and as I heard the words, "So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need", I knew that God was there in that moment. It is definitely an encouragement to me that God reveals himself in the everyday.

The return

I know it has been over a month since I have last posted to my blog. But I am not going to apologize for that. It was summertime and I was busy living my life or not living my life and  I really didn't have anything to write about. One can only tell stories about work so many times before one sounds like a desperate person in need of a social life.

Today I can say that I am at Purdue for good. I really moved down on Wednesday, but on Friday I went back home for Gaby's celebration of life. Needless to say, it has been hard to get adjusted to everything moving between two homes. Now I am here to stay and looking forward to getting used to living away from my parents again.

To be completely honest, I had no desire to move back to Purdue. I really don't know why that is but I certainly have some theories.Most of it has to do with the fact that I don't mind living with my parents. Sure, they drive me nuts sometimes but that is what families do. I do my thing and they do theirs and we co-exist peacefully. Somehow all of the strife and angst from high school has disappeared (mostly). I also don't want to start classes knowing that I still haven't a clue of what I am doing with my life. I know it isn't a big deal but it really bothers me. I am hoping that some divine inspiration hits me soon...and I mean that in all honesty.

So with all those things being said, I am trying to be positive about starting off this school year. It's a chance for me to be a better Christian to those around me. To love others and to care about their needs. And hopefully along with the way, I will figure out what I am doing on this big bouncing ball known as Earth.

Catch up!

I haven't been avoiding blogging on purpose. Life has been crazy lately and I haven't had much time to write. We went on vacation a week ago and I have been playing catch up all week. Vacation came at a great time for me. It was nice to slow down and enjoy life. Disney went well--although we were there for a long time! There is only one more month until school gets started, it's so crazy!

Zoo time is the best time

It is definitely summertime in Indiana. Hot, muggy days, and warm nights are very abundant. So are the thunderstorms that pop up right at the most inconvenient moments. All of this to say that I am in love with AC. Never will I take it for granted it again.

The last few days at work have been rather interesting. Yesterday, i was able to ride the sky ride with some of co-workers, while we were still on the clock! Then we walked around Africa and checked out Bill the Lion! He didn't growl or even move, but I am sure he is impressive. Today, I rode the train ride with one of my co-workers, again on the clock. Who can say that they get to ride such things while working? Not many, that's for sure! So as much as I might complain about the heat, the cranky customers, and the malfunctioning ice-cream machines, I really do love my job.

Other than that, not much has been happening around here. Just putsing around until school starts. It's kind of nice, actually.

The happiest place on earth?

In a few short weeks, my family will embark on a journey to visit the "happiest place on Earth." Now, I love Disney World very much. I have been there several times and each time I come away loving something new. I am very excited about going this summer. I realized that this will probably the last time we will go as a family as we now know it. It kind of depresses me, but I know it will make me enjoy it even more. However, I can easily attest to the fact that it is not the happiest place on Earth. In fact, I am pretty sure that place doesn't exist.

Instead, I have been finding that the little things in life are truly the things that bring me the greatest joy. And what better time to realize this than the easy days of summer (or not so easy as the case may be). Some of my happiest moments this summer have been: watching my brother play flag football, working with my sister, eating cherry cone dip while hearing Africa adventures from Africa, eating dilly bars, swimming at the pool, and so many more!

Summertime!

Hello five people that read my blog!

I am alive and doing very well. I know that I haven't written in a long time, but it doesn't even feel like that much time has passed. I can't believe that I have been home for over a month now. Summer is going by so quickly, but since school just got out for my sibs it's like it has just begun! Kind of exciting for me too.

I wish that I could say that I have done something really exciting this summer like training for a bike marathon or something. Except, I really can't say that I am. I have been working a lot and trying to squeeze everything else in when I am not working. My biggest project right now is my garden and the dress patterns that I am going to be starting this week.

No deep profound insights to share. Mostly God is just working on me being a better reflection of Him with regards to actions and attitudes. No easy task, but I am working on it.

Hobbies once lost

I've started scrapbooking again. I haven't scrapbooked since spring break, which really isn't saying much.

For a while, I scrapbooked for an entire month. That was the month preceeding my graudation. I felt like I needed to have my entire high school career documented. Needless to say, I didn't scrapbook for a long time after that. I burned out my hobby, got sick of it. For that matter, I really stopped taking pictures altogher. Another hobby, down the drain. I can't say that I have much to document the last school year. Just some random pictures here and there, a couple from Chrismas and my birthday. Sad, really.

All is not lost! I have started to begin scrapbooking again. And my mission this summer is to buy a new digital camera before July. I will document my life. And it's going to be epic.

Dairy Queen

Routines define my life.

At any given time of the day, I could probably tell you exactly what I am doing. It's kind of sad, but such is life. Summertime is usually the exception. I sleep and roll out of bed and do whatever I please. Except, there is this reality of having a job.

Welcome back to the DQ. I will admit, I was really excited about returning to my first job. Why? I don't know. It might have to do with the people I work with. The fact that I get to work in the zoo. Or that I actually might enjoy the work.

This week was the first full week back. A welcome dose of reality, I suppose. I learned several new things at work-something that is rather impressive since this will be my third summer back. This week I learned how to make sandwiches, salads, and wraps. I learned how to be a better fryer. And I learned why people don't entrust me with water hoses.

My patience was tested on several occasions. Instead of flipping out, I prayed. And you know, that seems to be a more effective method of dealing with situations. I am trying to be constantly mindful of my thoughts and actions. I don't want to be a once-a-week Christian. I want my everything to speak to Christ. I am nowhere near perfect, but I do try. I think that is really all Christ asks from us. To treat life as a gift and to use our time wisely.

Until later.

Last day!

Today is my last night here at Purdue (at least for a while). This week has been full of endings. First, my roommate moved out on Monday. I have another roommate but I never see her, so I've been flying solo here for the past week or so. It's been a blessing and a curse to have an apartment to myself. A blessing because it's easier to study, a curse because it gets awfully quiet here.

Yesterday was my last day of work at Ford Dining Court. Hopefully this will be the TOTAL end of working there. I am currently in the process of interviewing for working at the office next semester. It would be really awesome if I could get this job because it's right next to my apartment next year.

Tomorrow will be my last final of my freshman year. No sadness about that one. It also means that it will be my last day at Purdue for a while. Although I am ready to go home and spend some time with my family, it will also be hard to leave my friends for the summer.

Exciting news! Last night, Heather, Lisa and I went on a fountain run. We were slightly dissapointed that only one of the fountains was on (Loeb) but it was still a blast! Definitely a good way to blow off some stress from finals week

The next post will be from home base!!!

Almost to the end!

When I came to Purdue, I expected things to be radically different.

And in a way, I guess things were. I mean, I wasn't living with my parents anymore. I inherited two roommates and an apartment. I no longer had to tell my parents where I was going, with who, or for how long. I suppose those were pretty big changes. Not to mention the fact that I left many of my friends behind, which consequently left space for new friends to come in.

People in college are certainly different than in high school. The atmosphere is much more relaxed-you don't have to go to class if you don't want to. No two people ever seem to be on the same schedule. Eat whenever you want to and however much you want to (but watch out for the freshman 15!).

In a way, college has been a very freeing experience.

One thing that I expected was to have some miraculous shift in my relationship with God. Don't ask me why I thought this was going to happen, I just assumed it would. I mean, here I was being the good Christian, following God in college. For some reason I thought that meant I was better than other people. That somehow I deserved special privileges. Obviously, I was quite wrong. I'm not going to lie, walking with God in college is a lot harder than I imagined. It's hard to get motivated to go to church on Sunday when I would rather sleep. It's hard to get up early enough to actually do a devotional before I get going for the day. Yet I still do these things because I believe that they are the only  way to ensure that I don't stagnate in my growth. This year has been eye opening because I have really had to work on trusting God and walking by faith and not sight. It's tempting to only follow God when things are going great. I have had to learn that my relationship with God is not based on what I feel but rather the fact that he is God and he has great plans for my life.

The other night I was listening to "I Believe in Love" by Barlow Girl and the chorus really spoke to me:

I believe in the sun even when its not shining

I believe in love even when I don't feel it 

And I believe in God even when he is silent

The Grey Buick

Today my mom told me that my dad had sold his car. THE CAR. The car affectionately known as "the grey goose." I almost started crying.

No, I am not crazy. You don't understand the attachment I had to his car. He drove a 1985 Buick Regal ever since, well 1985. That car has been in our garage/driveway ever since I have existed on the planet. I must say that I developed a fondness for the car despite all odds. You see, after a while, the car didn't run so well. It made this awful sound like an emergency vehicle. I hated having to ride with my dad. The air-conditioning stopped working sometime in the 90's and I remember having to ride to my grandparent's house. It was so warm in the car, and I had to share the car with my two siblings. I think I complained the whole way there.

Unlike my mom's car, we weren't allowed to do ANYTHING in my dad's car. No food, no drinks. Don't touch the ceiling (because it started to droop at some point). I don't know if we were allowed to color or not. I suppose that it doesn't matter anymore. My dad treated that car so well. He loved it so much and he always made sure that it was in the best condition. He would park at the other end of the parking lot so "moron drivers" wouldn't hurt his car. I always knew my dad was coming home from work because I could hear him coming in the neighborhood long before I could see him.

By the time I learned to drive, I wasn't allowed to drive the Buick. There weren't enough safety features and my dad was afraid I would wreck it. When I would drive my car I was never afraid about hitting my mom's car or the garage. I would always look out for my dad's Buick. During the summer we would park side by side on the driveway. I always kicked people out of the car before I pulled in so they wouldn't ding my dad's door.

Not too long ago, my dad had the Buick touched-up. The droopy roof was fixed and the paint job was touched up. It looked really nice. I should have known something was up. He put the car on the market a few years ago, without any success. Somebody came by on Sunday and bought the car. Imagine my surprise. I always figured the Buick would still be sitting there when I came home. My mom and I used to joke that my dad would be buried in his car. Secretly, I believed it (Although that would be many, many years from now).

Now when I go home, the Buick won't be sitting in the driveway. some other car will be there soon, I suppose. I just hope that whoever bought the car will treat it well. I know that my dad taught me that with hard work, things can last for a long time. Owning a car is a huge responsibility, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. For that, I am grateful.

Exams, Bikes, Etc.

It is that time of year again. It's almost the end of school which means that projects, tests, and finals oh my! are coming up. Needless to say, I have been feeling the stress/anxiety building up since the end of March. I know, everyone tells you that stress is bad for you. What they don't tell you is that stress can mess with your head and make your hair fall out (literally). Sorry, trying not to be so dramatic in this post. Stress has a benefit. It motivates you to get whatever is stressing you done. Homework piling up? Have enough stress about it and voila! Your homework will be done. I am not complaining because I know that school always ends this way. I love school and this is just a part of it that I have to deal with. Once finals are over I know that life will continue.

Speaking of life, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately! This weekend has been chilly, but we have been having sunshine and 80's! I love spring because I can wear flip-flops and dresses and skirts. Oh, and I get to ride my bike. Riding my bike is one of the GREATEST things ever. I can get around campus so fast and laugh at the people walking (Ok, I don't actually do that). Seriously though, there is nothing like the wind  whipping through your hair as you breathe in the smell of spring. And there is nothing like the bike to tell you how out of shape you got over winter.

This week is going to be busy as ever, but I know that I will survive! See everyone on the other side...of finals that is :)

LIFE!

Right now I am very full of energy. This is odd for me...I never feel this good at this time in the evening. I just got back from my yoga class, so I suppose that would explain it. I don't know why I always forget that yoga makes me feel so good inside! It just kicks my butt back into gear and gets me going. Even when yoga hurts, even when downward dog feels like the devil and I don't want to hear about series modifications of plank...I still love it. This of course, makes me wonder why I haven't been doing more of it lately...hmm...

I have decided that I really need to start taking living my life seriously. So often I fall into an apathetic slump that I can't seem to shake. Yet life has so much to offer, and we don't need to be reminded that life is short. Instead of meeting everything with a "no" I am trying to say "yes". New experiences can be scary, but unless I try I will never know what they can add to my life. Hence why I was playing tennis with my friend this afternoon even though I can't play to save my life. Also why I have a list of "things to do" with my life this summer. It's all about living life to the fullest.

And something new!  Current reading list in no particular order: Watchmen-Alan Moore, Revolutionary Road-Richard Yates, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough- Lori Gotlieb, Blue Like Jazz-Donald Miller, and Calculus for Dummies-Mark Ryan.

Goals

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you were working hard every day towards a goal? Something that was real and important? It's been one of those weeks. All week I have been working hard to do well on my Calculus exam tonight. Every day was filled with one goal: study for Calculus. It kind of gave my days meaning, you know? You might think that taking the exam would have relieved my anxiety..but it's really just begun. Until I get back my score reports, I am going to be just as anxious.

This living with a goal in mind brings me to my next point. What if every day I lived with a goal in mind? What if every day I woke up and said that I was going to work towards becoming more Christlike? To be more loving to those around me? I believe that if I made that a conscious goal, that it could radically revolutionize my life. And the best part? Living for Christ isn't going to bring the same anxiety that silly Calculus exams do.

"Slowly and surely, we learn the great secret of life, which is to know God." Oswald Chambers

Maundy Thursday

Last night I went to a Maundy Thursday/Good Friday service with my good friend Heather. At first, I really didn't want to go because it didn't start until 11 PM. But I also didn't like the idea of her walking across campus all by herself, so I agreed.

We started by meeting in the prayer chapel at Wesley. Then we went went upstairs to take communion. As I was kneeling at the cross, I was overwhelmed by gratitude. I am so grateful that God sent Jesus so that I could live. He saved me from myself so many times. It was a very humbling experience. The next thing we did was to read the last accounts of Jesus' life. We read in a circle and as each part was read, a candle was extinguished. By the end we were sitting in darkness. I sat there for a long time and realized that I had never taken time to truly consider the crucifixion. And that thought overwhelemed me.

I sat there in silence and this peace came upon my heart. I honestly cnan't remember the last time that I've been at peace with God. For that I am truly thankful for all that He gave.

Enjoy the Easter season.

Mirrors

I have had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately, so I apologize if this blog sounds like a bunch of rambles. It probably will.

Have you ever heard people that when they looked in the mirror they didn't recognize the face in the mirror? I used to think that these people were crazy. How could you not recognize yourself? Except one day it happened to me and I swear to you, it was one of the scariest days of my life. I remember standing in my bathroom during April of my senior year and realizing that I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know why I was allowing myself to live unhappily when I knew that there were things that could be done. I am not going to go into great detail about this, but shortly afterward I broke up with my boyfriend. It was a hard decision for me, but it was a step in the right direction.

Over spring break, a similar thing happened. Except this time I realized that there was so much I could be doing my life. And I was scared because I have no clue what I am doing with my life. Yes, I am in college. And I am taking classes and studying to become a psychology major. But these are just minute details. I thought by now I would know what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. At this point all I can do is trust that God has a bigger plan for me and as long as I trust Him he will lead me down the right path.

Speaking of God, most days I feel like the song "Oh God Where Are You Now" by David Crowder

O God, where are you now?
O Lord, say somehow

To be honest, sometimes I just wonder where God is. Where is that big booming voice coming out of the clouds? I am not saying that God isn't there because I know He is. I know He is because I can feel the peace and reassurance that comes from knowing Him. Sometimes though, I wish that booming voice would just fall out of the sky.

And to conclude..."On Fire" by Switchfoot

And I'm on fire when You're near me 

And I'm on fire when You speak

Yeah I'm on fire burning at these mysteries 

The Birthday Post...late

So every year on my birthday I sit down and think about my life over the past year. I try to use the phrase "hindsight is twenty-twenty" to accurately portray my life. Then I write about the year in my journal and move on. This year though was different. I don't feel like my 18th year of life was that hmm....exciting? productive? Which to be honest, is rather ridiculous. I mean, I graduated from high school! Isn't that supposed to be the biggest deal of your life? Maybe I just hyped it up too much. Maybe I wanted it to come so much that when it did come it  was kind of a let down. I don't know. Anyways, here is the refresh over the past year, courtesy of my journal. Ahemm....

While 18 I

• Experience a cruise of a lifetime and then...
• Heartbreak my friend, is no fun
• Gave my senior presentatoin
• Went to senior Prom with the best of firends
• GRADUATED!!!
• Rode scary rides at Cedar Point
• Went to my first midnight premiere of Harry Potter
• Started college at Purdue
• went to a Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert-which was phenomenal!
• Missed people more than I thought I would
• Watched my brother become a teenager and my sister turn 16
• Saw more snow than I thought possible
• Managed to get a job on campus
• Stayed single for the majority of my 18th year of life
• Stayed true to being a Christian and continued to grow

So there you have it. My 18th year of life in a nutshell. Here's to many more! :)

Spring Break...kind of

Isn't spring break wonderful? A whole week to do absolutely nothing. Ha. I wish that was the case. No, no. I don't think I have ever had a spring break where I didn't have some homework assignment (Well in the past four years that is). This is exactly what was plaguing my head at 6:30 this morning. Thoughts like "Gee, yesterday all I did was have fun, did you even look at your paper? No you didn't. You fail" Uh yeah. So then I was freaking out about this stupid paper when I realized that my thought process was all wrong. Yes, I do have a paper due on Monday. But that doesn't mean I should beat myself up for taking a day off. I finished the paper today, now I am just polishing it up a bit. That's really not what I wanted to write about, honestly...

Yesterday was so gorgeous so my sister and I decided to go play some tennis. Well, more of I prodded her and she finally said yes. I have never played tennis before and it was quite the experience! Let's just say that I was probably breaking all the rules, but I hit the ball! And we had a good time, that's all that matters. Last night I went to a Zumba dance class with my mom at the local Y. Wow! I haven't had an intense dance class in hmm...a long time! It was lot of fun though and I can't wait until this summer when I can go every week.

Today, two of my good friends from high school and I met up. They took me out for lunch for my birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I kind of ruined it :) It was so nice to be able to be with friends and enjoy life together. Plus, Casa is so tasty :) Afterward, I had to go to the eye doctor, which I was dreading terribly. Surprisingly, my vision hasn't changed over two years and nothing needs to change. Yippee!

Other than that, not much has been going on this week. Katie and I got to spend some time together before she had to go back to Lake Forest. I can't wait for it to be next year when we will be roommates! Scratch that. I can't wait for this summer when we can be DQ buddies together. Then we can talk about next year.

Enjoy your week!

On My First Day of Break

I did six loads of laundry :) Haha. It's the life of a college student--come home to do the laundry. Don't worry, I folded all the laundry and it's just about finished. It probably wouldn't have been that much had I not waited two weeks and brought all of my bedding home. So nice to not have to spend my quarters.

Last night I went to the scrapbooking night with some of the ladies at C3. I haven't scrapped since Christmas Break so it was nice to get some work done. I seriously scrapped until I thought my eyes were going to fall out. I guess that I will continue to work on my pages as the week progresses. I am trying to get most of the pictures from last year wrapped up.

Today has been a rather lazy day. It has been cold and rainy all day. I went to the library today and had to restrain myself from checking out everything I saw. I just really miss my library here, even though I have 13 to choose from at Purdue! I don't think I will be doing much "fun" reading this week. I have a Child Psychology exam next Tuesday that I will be studying for and a paper due Monday. I think professors just use spring break as an excuse to assign more homework.

I can't wait to sleep, do some yoga, study, and spend time with friends and family (including Butterscotch) this week :)

Spring?

Wow! I had such a great weekend that it is hard to believe that it even happened. Actually, it has been rather difficult to get motivated to do my school work this week. I am so ready for spring break that I just want the good times to keep on rolling! Haha. Anyways, Friday night two of my friends from Indy came down to hang out. We spent the night hanging out with soem other friends from Northrop. Highlights from the evening included playing Imaginiff and baking cookies at 12:30. Spending time with friends is truly amazing.

Saturday morning my friends had to go home, so I was sad :( But, that afternoon the local pottery studio came to Hilltop and we had the opportunity to paint ceramic bowls. I took two hours to paint my bowl, so I hope that it turns out the way I wanted it too. I promise that I will upload pictures as soon as I get it back. Saturday night was spent with more friends eating and talking for hours.

Sunday morning was a beautiful morning! It was sunny and warm and lovely. I was nearly late to church, although it wasn't because I was enjoying the warm weather. Blame it on lack of foresight and planning. It started raining during the afternoon, but it was just a light spring rain. Yoga class was next on the list...man, oh man! We did a lot of arm work and I am feeling it today. It was  great though to do some yoga since last week left very little time to practice. Sunday night I went to Heather and Lisa's room to hang out and watch the Oscar's. Guess what? I had my first sleepover on a school night! I felt so rebellious! We had a ton of fun watching the awards, eating food, and just enjoying life.

Today the sun is shining and it is nice and warm outside. I took a nap outside after class...well, I was supposed to be doing Calculus homework, but I have to have priorities :)

Enjoy your week!

Gumball

Last night my family came down to visit. Well, to be more accurate, my brother and dad came to see the Purdue basketball game. That left my mom,my sister, and I to hang out until the game was over. We went to dinner--O'Charley's and gorged ourselves on chocolate cake. Actually, we looked at the chocolate cake more than we actually ate of it. Then my sister wanted to go to the mall and I begrudgingly trotted along. Even on a good day, going to the mall is not something that I would put very high on the "exciting things to do" list. But my sister had a good point--she hadn't come all the way to Purdue just to sit on a couch in my apartment. Anyways. We did our shopping and as we were heading out we walked past the gumball machine.

There is something you need to know about me and gum. I am a gum freak. I am all-out addicted to it and I will never deny such a claim. Gumball machines are one of the COOLEST things at the mall. There are so many different varieties. And yes, I have done the math and I know that a gumball is a waste of a quarter. But on this particular night, I had a loose quarter in my pocket. So I seized the opportunity to get some gum (chiclets, actually).My sister and mom followed behind. 

However, this is more than just a blog post about gumballs. It's a way of thinking about life. You see, the smallest things in life sometimes bring the greatest joy. I don't know what it is for you. For me, some days it's just getting a gumball. Instead of focusing on the negative things in my life, I am going to make an effort to focus on the small things--the things that do go right in my life. Maybe it's a crazy way to live. Maybe it's just crazy enough to work.

Power Yoga and Freshman at Purdue

I don't think I have blogged about my power yoga class, yet. At the moment, it is kind of difficult to type because my left hand is still tender from last night's class. I started this class two weeks ago because I figured it was a good use of my Christmas money. Last night we had a sub, and I really enjoyed her teaching style. She really emphasized deep breathing which helped make the class flow easier. Don't get me wrong, the class was challenging! I did a new sequence of plank pose that I didn't even think was possible! Even though I have to work hard in the class, it brings a lot of peace to my life. For the 50 minutes that I am working on yoga poses, the stress of my week just seems to melt away. I can really focus my thoughts on positive things and refocus on my life. Last night at the end of class, my instructor turned off the lights and we were laying on our mats stretching out. It was very quiet, and I was overwhelmed with God's presence. It was so cool being able to praise God while doing something I love.

Today started the Purdue's For Me tours at Hilltop Apartments. I am one of the tour guides, and I lead a group of 15 parents and their students around Hilltop. I love seeing incoming freshman so much! It wasn't that long ago that I was in their place. I remember being so scared and wondering what I had gotten myself into. Fortunately the rain held off for our tour, and I think they really enjoyed it. Most of the kids were pretty quiet, but the parents had some good questions. These tours continue for the next month or so, and I am looking forward to meeting lots of different groups of freshman.

They are calling for another arctic blast to come through this week. Hopefully this will be the last of the bitterly cold air. I am ready for spring to come!

Oh, it's February

I realize that it has been a while since I have blogged...if you are a regular follower, I am sorry. It's not that things haven't been happening in my life because they have. I have kept a fairly accurate record in my journal, no worries. It's just that February is always a rough month for me. It has nothing to do with the holiday on the 14th, or what the groundhog has to say. I just always feel very hmmm....depressed? sad? during this month. Blame it on the lack of sunlight.

Consequently, I am super unmotivated to keep up this blog. But that is rather selfish of me, so I am going to try and relate some insights from my life. Let's see...I started my power yoga class last week. It is definitely challenging! I am enjoying it a lot, and have been trying to get back into the yoga swing of things this week. I love yoga so much! Even when it is challenging, and not so much relaxing, it still brings peace into my life.

Work is going about the same, it's nice to be making a paycheck. Classes are more challenging this semester, but it is nice to keep busy. Other than that, not much is new. Purdue is For Me (Freshman Days) are starting up, so I will be giving a lot more tours in the near future. Hopefully the freshman won't be too scared, and they will enjoy their time at Purdue.

I will try to write again soon!

Loving Others

My mom has been telling me for the past few weeks that I really needed to watch the sermon by Pastor Dan in which he pretends to be Mr.Roger. I had the best intentions of doing so, but I kept on forgetting. This morning I finally watched it because I determined it to be too cold for any living creature to be walking around outside. Let me say, I am very glad that I watched it. 

The topic of the sermon was aobut loving your neighbor. Seems pretty simple, right? How many times have we heard the golden rule? It has been drilled into our heads since we were old enough to say "mine". Even though I have always known the golden rule, I guess I have never really considered its implications.

For me, college seems to be full of narcissism. To be honest, a lot of people are focused on what they can get out of school, what they want, etc. I fall into this trap of thinking, again and again. Don't get me wrong, college is a great time to be exploring yourself and what you want out of life. There is nothing wrong with trying to be the best that you can be. Yet I know for myself that I often use this as an excuse to miss out on loving others.

In his sermon, Dan was talking about being a good neighbor. There are so many Biblical references to being a good neighbor--it's kind of astonishing. Basically it all boils down to, are you a neighbor that you would want to live next to? This really struck me. There are so many opportuntities for me to love others and treat them the way I want to be treated. I live with two roommates, how often do I consider their needs before mine? I go to class everyday--how often do I think about how my actions affect my classmates, my TA's, or my professors? At my job, do I really consider those around me? The opportunities to love others overwhelms me. Yet I feel as though I have been blinded by a what-about-me attitude. 

After listening to this sermon I realize that I need a reality check. It's time for me to truly start loving other and treating them as I would want to be treated. It's not all about me, and it never has been. I need to start asking myself if I am someone that I would want to live next to. And maybe I can start to be a good neighbor to those around me.

If you want to listen to the sermon, click on the link below and select the January 24th teaching.
FSBO Sermon

Calculus Exams and Snow

I have my first exam tonight of the semester. Well, I had an English exam last week, but that didn't really count. English is one those subjects where you can usually work your way through an exam even if you don't have any idea of what is happening. Somehow, calculus or math in general, doesn't work that way. Either you know the info or you don't. And if you don't know it by the time of the exam, well...good luck. Haha. I am actually not that nervous about the exam. I am trying to keep a positive attitude.

This week has been super crazy! I have had a lot of assignments to get done and my test to study for. Now the week is nearly over and it's dear time to relax. Tomorrow I have to be work early...hopefully getting that changed soon. Nothing against getting up early in the morning, it's just that my Thursday nights tend to be late with exams, meetings, etc. I need my sleep here!

Yesterday I signed my housing contract for next year! I am pleased to say that I did get in the building I wanted to, and close to the floor I wanted to be on. Now it's just a matter of my dear friend get accepted into Purdue and then we will be on our way to success! Thankfully there will not be a massive hill to hike next year...just three flights of stairs. I will take the stairs over the hill any day.

The weather man is calling for a snow storm this weekend. Let's hope it snows lots! :)

Weekend!

It's so nice to be able to go home for the weekend. I get to see the best people in the world (my family!) and I get a chance to relax (but not really). Friday afternoon my mom came down and picked me up. Everyone knew that I was coming home except for my sister. We were going to have a surprise sixteenth birthday party for her, and I was going to be part of the surprise. There were many issues that came up, such as Allison not going to school on Friday. Somehow we managed to still keep it a secret. My dad took her out of the house around 6:30 and we had about 30 minutes once we got home to get the whole party started. Our house was crazy! Fortunately, Alli has great friends and they helped us out enormously! When she came back to the house, she was surprised to see everyone, including me. The house got really loud, and that's about the time I hid elsewhere. Don't worry! I came back for the cake and presents :)

Saturday Alli had a show choir competition in Churubsco. My grandparents came down so that they could see her perform. She did a great job, even though they did not make it to the night show. After that, we went to lunch. I got my haircut on Saturday...finally! I had gone since Thanksgiving, and let me tell you, I was a mess! Just in case there wasn't enough going on Saturday, we also went to my brother's basketball game. He is such a cute basketball player and he is really improving. My mom, sister and I left at halftime to go back to Churubusco. One of the girls that I work with was performing, so we went to watch her. We also did not know if Alli had to be there for the night show or not, so we stayed for the awards ceremony.

Sunday I went to church, and then it was time to head back to school. Wooo! What a weekend!

My grandma gave my cat this blanket...he is so spoiled!

Awkward Moments

I am the queen of awkward moments. I feel like they occur to me more frequently than the normal population. New social situations can scare the crap out of me because I think of all the things that could go wrong. All the wrong things I could say, etc. However, I have developed a clever way to cope with this issue. It's called humor. I always try to find a way to laugh at the stupid things that befall me. So here is just a sampling of the past few days.

Yesterday I was leaving my Agricultural Economics class (yes, you read that right)and I was quite happy to be out of there. Now, there is a certain set of steps to leave the Physics building. I am always wary of steps because I have a tendency to trip up/down them. I guess I wasn't paying attention because the next thing I know, I am falling through space, grasping at air. Next thing I know, I am trying to regain my balance. Unfortunately, there was a girl near the doors and I kind of plowed into her. I hastily apologized to her and left quickly. After realizing I was okay, I had to laugh. I called my friend and my mom, and the first thing out of their mouth was, "are you okay"? Well, of course I am okay, I thought. I was just calling to make you laugh.

Today, another awkward moment in my life. I decided that I had some extra time that I would stop at Starbucks before meeting with my English teacher. When I got to Starbucks there was a huge line. I judged that I could make it through in time. I had my order on the tip of my tongue when I realized who my barista was. The man standing across from the counter was none other than the guy I auditioned with for Murder at the Prom. He was very memorable because of his accent, so when he started talking to me, I freaked out. (Especially because he started off by saying, "What can I get for you today, love?") I gave him my order, and silently thought, please don't recognize me! When I said my name I thought I was a goner. Fortunately, it did not appear that he recognized me. Phew!

You see, awkward moments happen to everyone. The trick is just to have a sense of humor and not to worry about them too much. Oh! And having a couple of good friends that you can laugh with is also helpful :)

Where is the sun?

I don't remember the last time I saw the sun. Yesterday it was raining all day, which was very GROSS. I think Indiana weather can always be described as things happen when they shouldn't happen. For example, when it is cold outside, it should snow, not rain. Especially when the rain then decides to freeze creating treacherous conditions for all the pedestrians. I was fortunate enough to not fall, but that's only because I decided to ride the bus rather than risk peril and injury.

Usually I complain about the sun, because of course, I always get burnt. However, I don't think it is too much to ask to just see a few rays, is it? This morning looked like there might be a promise of a break in the clouds. Mother Nature was just tempting me though because it has been grey all day. Fortunately it has stopped raining. Unfortunately it is going to start up again tomorrow night.

Despite these adverse weather conditions, I have been having an unusual string of good days. Seriously, I think I have had a good day almost every day this week. I hate to sound surprised, but I really am. It's not that I live in a life of bad days, they are just usually average days. Nothing terribly exciting has happened this week, although I did discover coconut M&M's. My grandma sent me some quarters so that I can do laundry, that indeed is exciting! We will see if this string of good events continues.

Happy Friday!

Clarity

Sometimes there are points in your life when things become a little clearer. I am not going to pretend like I am the fount of all knowledge, because I definitely am not. I can speak with confidence and say that I really don't know what life holds. However, I did realize something tonight. I may not know what I am doing with the rest of my life, but maybe that's not the problem I once thought. I have realized that simply coming to Purdue has allowed me to begin chasing a dream that will be bigger than I could have ever imagined. With time (and prayer) I am confident that God will show me step by step the things I need to see and know. I can't wait to see what this path of life will hold :)

Back at school

Wow! I can't believe that winter break is over and its time to be back in the swing of life again. I have now attended every class I will have this semester, and I have come to the following conclusions: a. I might fall asleep during Calculus lecture, b. Strangely enough, Agricultural Economics might become the most entertaining class I have, and c. I can't wait for my Child Psychology class every Tuesday and Thursday. I don't really know what I think about English yet...it's going to be interesting, that's for sure. Unfortunately I am not able to take Spanish this semester and I really need to start practicing so that I don't lose all that I have learned over the past year.

Coming back to school was a relief, until I got here. Strange? Yeah, I know. I was so ready to come back to school and then once I got here, I wanted to go back. I forgot that I lived with two other people, and that yes, they weren't leaving. Not that I have a problem with my roomies, in fact, it's quite the opposite. It was just a shock to the system to have share a bedroom after three weeks of solitude. I think I am getting back into a regular schedule although I still haven't felt an urge to do homework. I guess that I will have to change that soon.

So far, I am doing pretty good with my New Year Resolutions...we will see how long that lasts.I am just ready for all this snow to go away and for it to be warm again!

Great Break

I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth, quite the opposite. I am doing great, but I have been on break for these past three weeks. Everything that my day usually consists of has been thrown out the window--and it's been great. The holidays were great, and I enjoyed spending them with my family. This past week has been nice because I have had most of the time to myself. Snow has been falling all day and it should taper off tomorrow. Looks like we got about 6 inches or so. If I can I am going to try and go cross-country skiing before I have to leave on Sunday. :)